Finding that boundary.

Someone blames my “Asian gene” because I could do maths without too much of an effort. What she did not realize is that there was so much effort I put in from a long time ago to get to this stage today.

I never skive lessons, I always try to pay attention during classes, and I always do my prep. One day I got stuck, and asked for help. You told me your paper was lost somewhere within your just-organized file. You blatantly lied to me. Since I couldn't afford to waste time, I asked you to help on the spot. You suddenly made a random excuse and said you didn't know how to do it.

I was highly disappointed.

And to be honest, this was not the first time.

I usually help people but then again sometimes I regret helping others. Sometimes I feel that my own personal space has been infiltrated. And especially when it comes to hygiene.

I’m so sick and tired of doing other people’s work. I’m not kidding either. Help this and help that. Initially I helped but eventually requests became more demanding. I only help because I know it would be something I enjoy. Teaching. I thought it would benefit me. But me helping you might make the examiners think that I cheated off you or vice versa. I’m just a student, I’m also doing my coursework this year, so yeah, I can't really be bothered. But your whinging and begging... it's annoying me, so I help in the end just to shut down the noise.

To be selfish, or to be helpful? Sometimes I wish I was more selfish than helpful. I used to be extremely selfish, and now I’m being too selfless. I need to find that boundary. Something that will stop me from hating myself each time I help.

How about I'm not a nice person and I'm just filled with motives?

Ah well, every dark cloud has a silver lining. Think positive Yee, think positive. Easter is coming soon!
posted on Saturday, March 20, 2010 with 0 Comments